To Quote The Graduate

To Quote The Graduate

Hello dear readers. As you know, I’m a believer in talking about that which people rarely discuss in polite or any company – and I talk about it in great detail (the nitty gritty about cancer treatment, menopause). Today, I’m back with another taboo topic. 

No, not Bakelite and such. Plastic surgery.  But, allow me to backtrack a bit, I’ve been on a major weight loss/fitness journey that began in earnest when I was introduced to an inducted into the cult of CrossFit (thanks to my SIL, Sara). Through that community, I finally gained the tools to control that which had been holding me back – my empty caloric excess. In September of 2019, I started tracking macros. Macros are macronutrients, aka, protein, fat, and carbs. Using a free app called MyFitnessPal, I began to learn how to eat healthfully. A nutrition coach helped me determine how many calories I should consume each day, and what the distribution of macros needed to be for me to lose weight and have energy for CrossFit and other daily activities. I began to slowly lose weight and gain energy. It was amazing!

Then came COVID. I continued to sort of track macros, but like so many of us did during lockdown, I also drank. A LOT. As one might imagine, that presented a sticky wicket in the weight loss journey. Sure, I could save up carbs to allow for alcohol, but what good did that do me? Hint: none. As we emerged from lockdown, I began to reign in the bad habits and start better ones. I began to incorporate tracking/drinking more water, better sleep hygiene, meal prepping, and eventually all but eliminated most alcohol and refined sugars. THAT is when the weight loss finally picked up and I got myself down to around 40 lbs. lost. For reference:

Among other sizes dropping (from 2x plus sized clothing to a regular size L), my bras were no longer fitting well, but smaller sizes weren’t quite cutting it for my old, droopy, floppy boobies. Fun fact for younger readers: as we age, our breast tissue disappears. I have none left. My girls are all fat and ducts. This was the time I’d decided to look into a breast reduction/lift. I spoke with my doctors who made sure to note the issues I’ve had: back & neck pain, intertrigo (rashes from skin friction) and found a plastic surgeon whose website before and after photos demonstrated the kind of artistry I’d been hoping for… reduction results that look like natural breasts without having to use implants. 

In November of 2023, I had a consultation with Dr. Peter Geldner. He made some images and fed them into his BozoPuter which calculated the volume of boobage I had so we could determine if insurance would cover the procedure. Based on the Schnur Sliding Scale (this page explains it well), my breasts were not large enough to consider reduction medically necessary. Nevermind the actual discomfort I’ve experienced. Based on the calculations, insurance would require approximately 338g of tissue be removed and apparently, I do not have that much to spare in order to get me in the C cup range (from my existing FF cup). How? I have no idea. Still, they submitted the approval request to insurance and a reduction was indeed deemed medically necessary. I had approval and was excited to move forward!

Thanks to my weight loss, in addition to my tube sock tits, I had a ton of other sagging skin (and a bit of diet-resistant apron of fupa fat) that I was considering removing, so I went back in for another consultation to see if we could turn this venture into a “mommy makeover” combo procedure. The mommy makeover is the boob job (with or without augmentation) combined with a tummy tuck. But… could we get insurance to cover that too? Stay tuned to find out!

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